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Вікторія ГорбікAround IT
4 May 2025, 12:48
2025-05-04
"That's probably why I work for three, because I'm afraid of dying without money in a box under a bridge". What childhood traumas do IT people have and how do they plan to raise their children to avoid them?
Timlid Yevhen Turovets raised an important topic in the discussion, which caused a resonance in about 100 comments. The discussion took place around childhood traumas, child-rearing strategies, and a discussion of whether traumas can really be a point of growth. What do IT experts think about this?
Timlid Yevhen Turovets raised an important topic in the discussion, which caused a resonance in about 100 comments. The discussion took place around childhood traumas, child-rearing strategies, and a discussion of whether traumas can really be a point of growth. What do IT experts think about this?
Aitovtsi about personal childhood traumas
Several tech professionals decided to share their own experiences with childhood traumas they encountered and what it led to in their lives. Here are their experiences:
Kateryna Rybilchenko, UI/UX Designer
My biggest trauma is my childhood in the 90s, when there wasn’t enough money to live on. That’s probably why I work for three, because I’m afraid of dying without money in a box under a bridge.
Responsibility, accuracy and perfectionism are innate in me. I have never been scolded, I have never been ordered. And if I were scolded, it would not be an injury. In general, now the trend is «woe is me», everyone is super traumatized and offended, I don’t believe that people have such bad things in life.
Yevhen Turovets, Timlid
My family didn’t have any problems that were noticeable to me, we already had a computer in 1994-95, but I’m working for 3 because I want to live better, although I understand that this is not compensated by the amount of time at work.
Is trauma a point of growth?
IT Project Manager Tetyana Tsykalenko believes that no one needs trauma at all, and the point of growth and development comes from acceptance and love, from rules and personal boundaries, both for parents and children. «I see this in my son,» she adds.
«We grow through achievements, recognition, desire, courage to do something, without fear of judgment and mistakes, and not through injuries,» Engineering Team Leader Alex Bereza supports the discussion. But he also adds that the so-called injuries cannot be avoided anyway. «But it’s better to let the therapist tell you about the Snickers ban (conditionally), rather than that there was not enough attention, love and support,» the engineer notes.
However, not everything that is called trauma is actually trauma. This is what specialist premium AI localization solutions Dmitry Radionov believes. Using the example of raising his own child, he believes that all of the above are normal steps in the upbringing process, they are not traumas. «This is some kind of newfangled nonsense to call the examples you gave ‘traumas’,» he is sure.
And traumas are not always bad. In addition, people change. This thesis is supported by Senior Backend Software Engineer at Mindojo Paul Savchuk. «Injuries will happen, psychology iterates, we learn some things now, some later. Our parents tried to give us what was considered the best in their environment, with their knowledge of the world, therapy does not always cure everything, and, strange as it may sound, sometimes childhood traumas give you more than therapy,» he notes.
How AIT people raise children
Tetyana Tsykalenko, IT Project Manager
You don’t need to fight with your children because you are not friends and not equal people. Parents are the people who lead, are responsible for children and set rules. And also give unconditional love and acceptance. And their time and attention (but this is if possible, sometimes half an hour a day is enough, just without distractions).
We have a rule regarding toys from the very beginning, and it was told to my son and calmly explained as many times as needed for him to remember. In his room, do whatever you want, clean everything once a week. In other rooms, if he plays, clean in the evening before going to bed. Somewhere up to 6-7 years old, if he was tired and saw that he couldn’t cope on his own, I helped, now he’s on his own. That is, I like this idea — we set rules, within the framework of this rule, the son acts as he wants (his room), and we help implement it if necessary. I apply this model to many moments, both homework and gadgets, I see what works.
Andriy Dolinsky, Technical Communicator
There is a great working tactic for cleaning up toys. I usually give my son a choice: either he cleans up himself or I help him and we clean up together. Sometimes he chooses the second option, especially when he is tired. And when he is in a good mood, I just say «toys» and he knows what to do.
Andriy Sartek, Front-End Developer
Maybe instead of arguing, we can negotiate and motivate?
And how to motivate depends on the children. The main thing is that it is their responsibility. That is, they should decide for themselves whether to do it or not, knowing what they will get or not get. If it doesn’t work, you need to adjust the incentives, etc.
Paul Savchuk, Senior Backend Software Engineer at Mindojo
The best thing you can give a child is a good social environment. But if you impose certain people, it won’t work. You need to follow what the child likes and help them find people with a similar life path (even what specific people in their environment they like) so that they can go through similar experiences and put straws in the most painful places.
Moreover, the older the child, the more everything will depend on him. This means that the «time for upbringing» is very limited. If you keep the child after this time, there will be hyper-protection. If it weren’t for the limits of LinkedIn, I would write more, but I can’t, so I want to be a father, a friend, an authority figure, and a good person.
Andriy Polukhtovych, Software Testing Engineer
Traumas exist, have existed, and will continue to exist. There is no escape from them. Children need to be taught to deal with traumas and the actions that cause them. Children will grow up and go out into the world, and these skills will be useful to them.
Victoria Shadrina, Program / Project manager
The rules of upbringing in my family are very simple:
without comparison with others,
without physical violence,
no swearing, swearing, etc.,
without raising your voice,
without ignoring — as honestly as possible in communication.
But of course, there will definitely be some injuries simply because the children are not like, for example, me.
For example: when my daughter was 5, she said, «Mom, can you at least once, when you’re waiting for me from art school, not work on your laptop in the hallway. Otherwise, you’re too much of a workaholic mom. You should be like everyone else — take selfies, stay on Instagram, you’re embarrassing me by working all the time. That’s literally what it means)
So maybe when my daughter grows up, I won’t work a single day because my mother was too «workaholic» and traumatized her.
Instead of a conclusion
Summing up, it is worth recalling the famous words that your children will still have something to come to a psychologist with. And injuries, most likely, cannot be avoided. What to do about it? The best way out was probably suggested by Talent Acquisition Specialist Marta Zagranovska: «Nothing!!! Just forget them! And let them go!!!»
Here it is worth adding the opinion of psychologist and business coach Olga Arʼye, who mentioned such a definition as «post-traumatic growth». «But you shouldn’t count on it happening,» she is sure. According to the specialist, you don’t need to be a perfect father, it’s enough to be a good one. And for this, Olga advises:
Give the child the opportunity to develop while ensuring their safety.
To love and support. «The best thing you can do for a child,» she is sure.
Educate by example. “ As for scattered things, for teenagers it is more of a norm. That’s how it should be. Educate by example: put your things away. That’s enough,» the psychologist adds.
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