Ігор Вишневський That's Life 9 June 2026, 09:00

How IT parents fight their children's gadget addiction. A psychologist explained what arguments will help find understanding

There is a certain irony in the fact that IT professionals try to protect their children from the negative impact of gadgets, online games and social networks. The examples of technobillionaires, founders and top managers of large technology companies are especially illustrative in this regard. For example, Steve Jobs kept children away from the iPads produced by his own company, Bill Gates forbade children from using mobile phones under the age of 14, and Mark Zuckerberg strictly limited his children’s screen time on social networks to avoid «doomscrolling».

«The daughter was like Gollum who found his gold»

Developer Artem talked about the interaction with gadgets of his 6-year-old daughter, who is going to first grade this year

Fortunately, my daughter doesn’t use her phone much yet. She only got her own gadget six months ago, when her wife changed her phone to a new one, leaving her daughter with the old one.

I have to say that for the first two weeks after she got the phone, everything looked pretty sad. My daughter would sit on it for an hour or two or three — as much as she could spare. She would quietly find an opportunity when no one was watching or arguing. After such «sessions,» she would be tired, exhausted, and moody. My daughter looked like Gollum who had found his gold. It wasn’t good, so strict rules were introduced.

They set a half-hour limit on the phone, after which the gadget would shut down. After about two or three days, she got used to this mode. For several months, my daughter still «played» with it for half an hour a day, but then she even started to forget about it as a gadget for games.

However, we still have a Steam Deck console. I think she has better self-regulation when it comes to consoles. Plus, games on a console sometimes also serve a social function — for example, playing something with someone, showing something to someone. There was a period when she played every day and spent more time playing games than we allowed. Back then, we set limits for her — games on the console were allowed every other day, not every day. Now she remembers it about once a week, sits down to play something. So it doesn’t seem to be a problem.

Next will be school, and my daughter will probably have more independence, more time, and more external influences, for example, from other children, classmates. It is clear that something will change — but we will somehow adjust as we go.

I think that with children, what works best is just some kind of habit. Such rules mean such rules. A child gets used to the fact that the TV can be turned off after an hour of watching, and the phone after half an hour of playing. Questions arise when these rules are just being implemented. And if they simply exist, they are already taken for granted.

«You can silence a child so that they are afraid of gadgets. But they won’t want to spend time with them any less!»

Senior Engineering Manager Taras sees gadgets not only as a harm, but as a tribute to our time. His daughter will soon be 10 years old.

How much time does my daughter spend on gadgets? I would say that now gadgets for children, like work for us, fill all the free space. If she is not busy with something specific, she will sit on gadgets all the time. It varies from several hours to the whole day.

Is this influence of gadgets only negative? I don’t think it’s possible to be unambiguous on this issue. Of course, there are some stupid videos among everything she watches. But not all the content that my daughter consumes is like that. Among other things, it includes all kinds of documentaries and educational videos. In addition, my daughter plays Minecraft from time to time. I don’t see any problems with playing Minecraft, as long as she doesn’t do it 24/7.

She also watches some videos of other people playing Minecraft and then repeats it. And so, by the way, she improved her English on these videos. I think it’s really good.

It seems to me that when conveying our, as parents, position on the harm of gadgets, we shouldn’t go overboard either. You can scold a child in such a way that they will be afraid of those gadgets. But they won’t want to sit with them any less, so it will simply create internal conflict.

Gadgets for children now are like books in our childhood. As for the books themselves, she is also interested in books, but only certain types of books. For example, about the same Minecraft. She also really liked the book in the form of a boy’s diary, because she herself also keeps some diaries.

That is, gadgets and books cannot be completely replaced by each other, but they can act as a single ecosystem and complement each other. Although it is obvious that gadgets offer more vivid content that does not require you to include your own imagination. And you need to be reminded about a book, but not about YouTube.

«My son is 15 years old, and he asks that there be no limits on Family Link for him. It seems to 'humiliate' him in front of his classmates.»

Iryna, an IT project manager, talked about her son’s passion for gadgets and her constant struggle with it.

I think my son has been extremely involved in gadgets since he was 10, if not earlier. And most of the time he spends on his phone, in my opinion, is of no use, only a waste. Because it’s either one or two games that he’s been playing intermittently for years, or watching videos on YouTube or TikTok — again, either about games, or catchy videos of an entertaining nature, from which my brain would personally explode.

Of course, the phone and the time spent on it is a constant subject of our arguments. A few years ago, my husband and I used Google’s Family Link and set screen time limits there for a day or for each individual activity. But over time, my son learned to use some bugs in the program or workarounds to use the gadget beyond the limits. Now he is 15, and he asks for these limits to be removed, because it seems to «humiliate» him in front of his classmates. Of course, he promises to control himself, but he can safely spend up to 3-4 hours on his phone on weekdays and 7-8 hours on weekends.

Unfortunately, there is not always enough internal resource and time to effectively deal with this, because after a working day, there is also not always the strength to arrange a «scolding» with a teenager for the amount of screen time. But periodically this topic arises again — then, as a last resort, you have to take away your son’s phone in the evening so that he can at least do his homework or prepare for tests, and not be constantly distracted by his gadget. Maybe I am a bad mother, but I have not yet managed to solve this problem systematically. Because any activities of a teenager in the outside world interest him less than being online, and it is very difficult for me to do anything about it. Not to mention the fact that he will find 1000 excuses and objections to all my arguments.

How to talk to children about the dangers of gadgets: advice from a psychologist

Alisa Riznichenko, a child psychologist, CBT specialist, and coach who collaborates with the HoldYou platform, notes that talking to a child about gadget restrictions should not be in the spirit of «prohibiting adaptation to the modern technological world,» but rather, focus on the issue of «digital consumption culture.»

To make this conversation effective, she highlights the following recommendations:

Argue through physiology and emotions, not through evaluations of the child’s actions. Instead of abstract expressions about «harmfulness», explain specific mechanisms. Children respond better to arguments related to their current state (fatigue, mood, concentration).
The rule of «Nothing for Nothing.» By banning online, you create a vacuum. The child’s brain receives a quick dopamine (pleasure hormone) during play. If you take away the phone and do not offer an alternative (joint leisure, sports, hobbies, etc.), the child will feel very bored and irritated.
The most important thing is to set an example. Arguments won’t work if parents themselves spend their evenings scrolling through social media feeds. Set uniform rules for the whole family (for example, «no-gadget zones» during dinner).

She says that younger children don’t understand abstract logic, and teenagers despise authoritarian pressure, so the argument should be adapted to the specific age. For children of primary school age (6–10 years old), she advises drawing analogies with computer games or superheroes, which children understand well.

«Our brain is like a supercomputer or a phone battery. When you play for a long time, the screen takes all the energy. In order for your own „battery“ to be charged for fun and adventure, the brain needs rest in the real world — sleep, walks, activity,» she cites one of the arguments that can be used in a conversation with younger children.

There is still the argument about time theft. «The screen is very cunning, it imperceptibly steals your time. Remember, we wanted to build Lego or ride bikes? The screen took that time, and we didn’t have time. Let’s plan time together so that real life is more interesting than the game,» the psychologist builds an imaginary dialogue with a primary school child.

Meanwhile, for teenagers aged 10-15+, according to Alisa Riznichenko, we need factual language, respect for autonomy, and an appeal to their own goals (success, sports, appearance, independence). Among the arguments that can be used in conversations with teenagers, in her opinion, there are several facts based on scientific research.

The dopamine trap argument. When talking to teenagers, parents should explain how games and social media affect the child’s psyche. «Game and social media developers hire the best psychologists to make you stay in their products for as long as possible and earn on your attention. They use algorithms that cause mild addiction (dopamine loops). When you can’t tear yourself away, you are being manipulated. Time limits are your way of regaining control over your own life,» says the psychologist. In her opinion, parents can confirm this fact by inviting the child to independently familiarize themselves with the evidence for these statements through verified sources.

The argument about sleep quality and hormones. A reminder about the impact of gadgets on healthy sleep and well-being will also not be superfluous. «The blue light of the screen blocks melatonin (the sleep hormone). Because of this, you feel broken in the morning, it is harder to concentrate, and your skin condition and mood worsen. Try putting away your phone an hour before bedtime for at least a week — and you will notice how your productivity in real life will increase,» Alisa Riznichenko gives another example of a potential conversation, urging parents to appeal to those actions that the teenager himself values in real life.

The argument about «clip thinking.» Among other things, according to the psychologist, it is worth mentioning the fact that constantly scrolling through short videos reduces the ability to focus deeply. «The brain gets used to the ultra-fast change of pictures and then becomes lazy to read, learn languages, or create something complex. We are not against your entertainment, but we want your brain to remain strong and flexible,» — again, the specialist cites part of an imaginary dialogue with a teenager.

To ensure that the conversation has a long-lasting effect, a child psychologist and CBT specialist from the HoldYou platform suggests translating it into the realm of agreements and immediate first steps.

One option could be to create a «digital contract» with your child. «Don’t set limits alone. Ask your teen, ‘How much time do you think would be environmentally friendly for your studies and recreation?’» Fix this number (for example, 2 hours for entertainment),» the expert suggests.

She urges that parental control applications be positioned not as a surveillance tool, but as a technical assistant to fulfill your mutual agreements.

«The child should know that the app will simply automatically turn off the screen when the limit is reached, without unnecessary arguments with parents,» she says.

Finally, Alisa Riznichenko emphasizes the importance of parents not breaking agreements with their children themselves. «Once you have established rules, follow them together. This will allow the child to feel your support and the unity of the family,» she says.

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