“I couldn’t be in a ‘warm bath’ abroad. Now I’m a dad on a smartphone.” The story of a Senior Software Quality Engineer from EPAM who, despite the opportunity to live in Europe, returned to Ukraine during the war

In search of better

I myself am from Nikopol, but I lived in Dnipro for many years. It was from Dnipro at the end of 2020 that I relocated to Krakow thanks to such an opportunity within ERAM. My project at the time was just coming to an end, and I was considering new opportunities, including abroad, in the EU. Among the options was Poland and a large client from the banking sector. This suited me quite well, because I had been familiar with the country since 2015, when I worked there, and knew a little of the language. So, I left an application, went through interviews, received an offer — and left.

Since 2014, since the beginning of the so-called ATO, I have been following geopolitical news. I don’t want to sound like a «seer», but inside I had a premonition that the situation could get much worse, because even then I was aware of the proximity of the war — from the Dnieper to Debaltseve or Volnovakha is relatively close.

When I was planning a relocation in 2020, I was thinking primarily about the existential threat, and also about my daughter’s studies and future. At that time, Covid was raging, and I could see that the child was starting to lose interest due to the remote format. Plus, I always liked European exchange programs and opportunities for students. As for my purchasing power, it was approximately the same in both Ukraine and Poland.

«I need to be there»

I always identified myself as Ukrainian and wanted to live in Ukraine. Even when I left and took my family, I remained in the Ukrainian context, because my mother and friends live here — I never had the intention of uprooting my roots from my land.

In January-February 2022, when Russia recognized the existence of the DPR and LPR, representatives of the Ukrainian diaspora in Krakow and I went on picket lines to the Russian embassy. I told the Donets about what was happening, we talked a lot about the history, culture, sovereignty, independence of Ukraine, and I always said that it was worth fighting for.

My ancestors suffered from collectivization, Bolshevism, and the Holodomor — this largely determines my position.

A comrade helped me cross the border with Slovakia on February 26, 2022 — there were already huge queues towards the EU, mobile aid points were working. And I headed towards Uzhhorod. I was already in the Dnipro at the beginning of March.

Then I told my daughter: «Sofiya, this situation can’t last too long. I have to be there, but in a few months, maybe in six months I’ll be back.» The reality is different. But even if I had known then that everything would be exactly like this, I would have done the same. I couldn’t be in a «warm bath» abroad when we were so clearly discussing our principles in the family.

«I am a dad in a smartphone»

Of course, subjectively I really want to be close to my family, because my daughter’s life is happening in parallel. We talk every day, but I’m a dad on a smartphone. However, I see value in being in Ukraine now. Although I wasn’t among the defenders, a lot was done for different brigades and units.

I saw how all this helps save lives, evacuate from dangerous places — and that is important, it makes me very happy. Even just being in Ukraine, next to my acquaintances and family, neighbors and friends, working here — is also useful. After all, in addition to supporting the economy (and the IT industry here makes a significant contribution, remaining one of the stable taxpayers), it is also mutual support.

I am thinking about going to my family in Poland after the full-scale invasion is over. My daughter is 15, in a few years she will graduate from high school and enter university. When that happens, I would like to return home to Ukraine — my wife and I are talking about this, I am preparing her for it. I do not want to start all over again in another country. I have a desire to finish building a house, to do not only IT, but also my own business. I suppose I could go somewhere again — but short-term, to earn extra money, and then return to Ukraine again.

Poland VS Ukraine

As for the differences in life abroad, a lot depends on the country you are in, but there are some commonalities. It is important to survive the initial culture shock, understand the general context and environment, and understand how the state and its bodies and systems work.

Medicine, administrative services, education — all this will differ significantly from the Ukrainian order. For example, if in Dnipro we easily treated the chronic diseases of my wife and daughter at the Mechnikov Hospital and immediately bought the necessary medicines, then in Poland the same issues require much more time and effort. There are many such nuances. Therefore, in the family we divided the areas of responsibility, understood them and adapted to the new reality. Well, and of course the language issue. I am convinced that it is necessary to learn the language of the host country.

If we talk about positive impressions, I was very pleased with the educational opportunities. Even before the family arrived, I met with the directors of several comprehensive schools in Krakow, because it was important to us that our daughter did not lose the quality of education. Later, we chose one of the institutions and our daughter continued her studies without any unnecessary difficulties. Another plus is the excellent infrastructure. Transport allows you to get around without a car, without spending a lot of money on it. It’s not only about comfortable life in the city, but also about traveling. I really like how European cities preserve their cultural heritage. In my opinion, Ukraine has historically followed a different path in this sense — that’s why we see such eclecticism on the streets, glass hotels in central squares next to architectural monuments. But I believe that we too will be able to achieve a better standard of living and infrastructure.

If you are leaving, what should you prepare for?

First of all, I would look at age. When I was 25, I went to Europe as a «migrant worker»: it was easy to sleep with 10 guys in one hostel room, change companies and go somewhere in search of a new job, sacrifice sleeping conditions, etc. Today I am 38, I am an adult and weigh my strengths and comfort. You also need to take into account the presence of a family, children. Moving alone is much easier, but if you already have a family, you need to worry about decent housing, a financial safety net, the availability of medical services, the level of taxation, etc. If it is not an existential threat, then you need to understand very well why you are going to a particular country, plan strategically. After all, most likely, your purchasing power will decrease very noticeably compared to Ukraine. My advice is to go alone if possible, explore the situation and prepare for several months or six months, and then take your relatives with you.

I admit, I thought the same thing when I was 20, I wanted to travel as far as possible. I don’t even know what I was counting on then. After all, money doesn’t grow on trees, and if you want to travel on perfect roads or new trams, you have to pay for it with higher taxes.

You should also not forget about the huge cultural gap. If you were a cheerful guy in Ukraine, then it is likely that somewhere in the Netherlands you will no longer be like that — you will simply not be understood. Adaptation and integration into local society require a lot of resources and often lead to disappointment.

And don’t ignore the issue of kinship with your own, a shared understanding of the cultural context, historical heritage, our reality. No one will understand you better than those who have lived the same or similar experiences.

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